end of the journey

Climbing a mountain is challenging. Sometimes I believe it's a harder mental battle than a physical one. They say that your mind will give up faster than your body ever will. Standing at the base of a mountain is daunting...thrilling...overwhelming...anxiety causing...terrifying. Standing at the base of a mountain and looking up, all you see is the work that you have to do to get over it. Standing at the base of the mountain is filled with doubt, questions and hesitations.

The funny thing about a mountain is that once you get to the top, you forget all those doubts, questions and hesitations. You've done it. You're at the top. You conquered the mountain. And all that fear, all that negative self talk, all that doubt suddenly turns into a emphatic, "I did that". 

I conquered the mountain. I survived. I made it. I can do this. The doubt turns into affirmation and the fears that once held you captive at the base are the exclamations of encouragement at the top. 

At the base of a mountain, it looks huge. Unconquerable. Untamable. A beast. Formidable. Terrifying. But at the top? Your perspective changes and suddenly everything seems very small. Remember the trails you were struggling to climb? Well now they're little rivers cascading down the slopes. Those rocks and roots that kept tripping you up? They're specs in your rear view mirror.

One of the best parts about climbing a mountain however, is sitting at the top and taking it all in. Stop. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Soak it in. This moment at the top, to sit and just be is the climactic ending to a journey that seemed unimaginable in the beginning. It's healing and therapeutic to just sit and be with yourself, your thoughts and your inner voice. Like Jackson Kiddard said : go to your fears. Sit with them. Stare at them. Your fears are your friend. Their only job is to show you undeveloped parts of yourself that you need to cultivate to live a happy life. The more you do the things you're most afraid of doing, the more life opens up. Embrace your fears and your fears will embrace you.

I sit on top of this mountain embracing the fear. The girl that stood at the foot of the mountain is not the same girl who sits on top looking at how far she has come. In fact, they're two different people entirely. The fears that held one back are the rocks in which the other stepped on. On the way to the top I've found pain and I've found healing. I've wrestled with questions and found answers. I've cried and I've laughed. Yet at the top, sitting here and looking out, I see new mountains ahead of me. But I know that just like this mountain, with a little gumption, a bit of faith, and a whole lot of God's grace I'll be able to conquer those mountains too and sit back and realize that they weren't as terrifying as I thought they were afterall.